Monday, June 9, 2008

I Suck and I'm a little frusterated.

I recently went to Joslin for my 3 month visit which has now become converted into an every six months event. I love my doctor so I'm willing to wait to see him but I'm realizing that I really lack the "motivation" to go get blood work done, etc. on my own. Unless he makes me do it...I chicken out. We changed my insulin to carb ratio moving it from 1 to 10 to 1 to 8 soooo, he wanted me to keep a log of my BG, bolus and what I ate. Can I just say that I have NEVER, NEVER, EVER actually been able to follow through with this. I swear on my OmniPod that it is simply just not possible for an extended period of time. I mean, two weeks is all I needed to do and I stopped after about 5 days. My PDM does keep track of my daily blood sugars so before my appt., I'm going to need to go through them and write them all down basically making a lot more work for myself than I needed to. The reason why I say "I Suck" is because in the past 5 years there are two things that as a diabetic I have never quite been able to do. The first is actually keeping a written record of my numbers and the second is..(drumroll please)...FASTING. Now that I'm out of school its a different story but honestly, when I was working and going to school there was no way in HELL I was going to try and do those things on an empty stomach. I realize that I "fast" all the time and don't even realize it but for some reason it makes me really annoyed when medical professionals expect me too. It's like, are you gonna come over and hang out with me so I don't have to sit at my apartment and fantasize about what I could be eating? Are you going to deal with the wrath that is Kayla when she is extremely hungry?

The thing that pisses me off the most about going 6 months in between appointments is that from January to life drastically changed. I started out in January working really hard, convinced that I was going to lower my A1C no matter what. By June, I had endured a semester of two jobs, my senior project, graduation, a break-up, birthdays, senior week, traveling home, strep throat, exhaustion, job searching...I mean gosh, whatever I did in January/February/March didn't even matter by the time I made it to the doctor. What was reflected in my results was the roller coaster of being a college graduate...not the conscientious diabetic I was trying to be earlier on. Anyways, I admit this is kind of an aggression/frustration driven blog...but frankly, I was disappointed in the results I got at the doctor. I'm most likely being slightly harsh but I really really more than anything want my A1C to be down to 7 and until I accomplish that I can't help but be a little bit cranky, right? The good news is, I have made a triumphant return to the gym scene! Woo!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Life's messy enough, nevermind the constant self-surveillance. I wish I could help, let you borrow my pancreas. I know a special T1er whose b-day is round the corner. I hope she has the most kickass b-day and maybe even calls me at some point.