Dexcom - I love you, I'm just not that into you.

There is no doubt my Dexcom CGM has significantly improved my quality of life. Sometimes I forget what it was like to NOT know what my blood sugar is all the time - testing myself 8 times a day seems SO antiquated and prehistoric in comparison to how I am able to monitor my blood sugar now. Between my Omnipod and my Dexcom, I feel like a hip diabetes robot that is wireless, tubeless and in the know 24/7. However, as someone who has dealt with diabetes-related anxiety for some time now, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm suffering from what I'd like to call "plastic-pancreas hyperawareness syndrome."

There are points in my day where perhaps I would like a little less information about the misbehaviors of my pancreas. For example, on days when I'm feeling particularly anxious or even having a panic attack - the double-down arrows of doom accompanied by vibrations and beeps alerting me that my blood sugar is plummeting are a bit dramatic. I went so far as to disable the alarm for when my blood sugar rises above 200 because I found that I would overreact, over-bolus and therefore, end up low and very crabby.

And while I love the security of my Dexcom relationship - we have some trust issues. I find it difficult to trust that my juice box or glucose tabs will raise my blood sugar when there is a lag in how the CGM reports progress. 5 minutes can seem like an eternity when you are low and that little upward arrow of hope has yet to provide IMMENSE relief to my hypo-anxiety.

When I feel frusterated with the Dexcom and my anxiety, I will often take a vacation from the CGM and go back to the old-fashioned way of monitoring my blood sugar. This "vacation" never fails to provide the epiphany necessary for me to stick that CGM back on my belly where it belongs. Diabetes requires constant learning - I've learned that sometimes it will be difficult for me to process all the information that my CGM provides. In the end, the security and comfort I feel when I look at trending normal blood sugars on that little screen could make it all worthwhile.

So Dexcom, its not you - it's me. But don't worry - I will still faithfully read your screen to the point of obsession whether we're having a good day or thinking about taking a vacation from each other.